Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
