I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
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I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
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Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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