tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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