My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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