Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
