I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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