operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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