Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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