we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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