and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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