see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
