Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
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