I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
