My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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