69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
