What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
