You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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