she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
