who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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