Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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