Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
