Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
