I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Randomize
