I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
