Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Randomize
