If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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