He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
