I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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