i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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