Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
