WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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