How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
