I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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