You just made me feel so damn special
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
