I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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