I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
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Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
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And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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