my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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