I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
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Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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