Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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