How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
