She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
