I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Still dying that you shit outside
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
