Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My feet surprised me
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
