The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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