first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
