I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
