its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
