Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
