It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
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So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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