I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
