plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
