i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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