i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
