I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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