2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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