How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
