just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
