apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
