I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
