I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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