He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he fucked my hip out of place.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
