Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
