Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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