But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
