But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
