Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
