I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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