Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.