So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
