Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
are you so shy because you have an std?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
