I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
