Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
