I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
