you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.