I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of