A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she peed on how many people?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....