i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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