She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
